David Crawford by Lights Out

Author:Lights Out [Out, Lights]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 43 - Going the Distance

When Mark woke up, there was just a hint of grayness peaking through the window. He wasn’t sure at .rst if the events of last night had been real or only a dream. As he sat up in bed, he realized that it had been real. His ribs hurt where Ralph had knocked him into the dirt. He hadn’t gotten much sleep. Between Jess, the shootout, and the adrenaline, he had squeaked out maybe three hours. That would just have to do, he thought, he had to get to Waco. He stood up and pulled on his clothes. When he walked into the kitchen, Jess had packed a small basket with food.

“Good morning, JW.” She smiled.

“Please don’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not John Wayne.” He said emphatically.

“Jeeze. It’s just a joke. Don’t be so serious about it.” She scolded.

Mark took a deep breath in through his nose and blew it out of his mouth. “You don’t understand. I can take the joke, but it only reinforces the falsehood that people think I am some kind of hero. I am not perfect. I’m just a man. A man that makes mistakes. I made a bunch last night. Some of them came this close to getting me killed.” He held his thumb and fore.nger a fraction of an inch apart.

“But you were so brave.”

“That’s just it. I wasn’t brave. I was scared shitless. I was only trying to save my own ass by blu.ng.” He argued. “I don’t want these people to see me as a hero. Because, one day I will disappoint them. It will only take one little mistake that gets someone killed. Then they will lose faith in this image that they have of me. And what will happen then? Will they .nally realize that they can only depend on themselves, or will they lose all hope? Can you see why I don’t want that responsibility?”

“I can understand your concern, but no one expects you to be perfect. You weren’t just trying to save yourself last night. If that were true, then, like the sheri. said, you would have run the other way when you saw those people heading for the CP. You were putting others before yourself. That is why these people look up to you. That is why they trust what you say, because you always try to do the right thing. And that is one of the reasons why I love you.”

“But trying to do the right thing does not mean that things will always work out right. It does not mean that I know what is right. And, most of all, it does not mean that I will be able to accomplish the right thing even if I do know what it is. I am afraid that people think that I do and I can. They think I am some kind of fearless leader that will never lead them astray. I’m not a leader, let alone a fearless one.”

“You’re right. You’re not a fearless leader.

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